Strength won't keep you safe - flexing will
When life yanks your chain, will you break? Photo by Adrian Olguin on FreeImages.com
I realize more and more just how short life is. So often, I am so busy in my head that I don’t focus on the quiet stillness within me. The world keeps moving, and for some reason, I feel the need to catch up. After all, life is short. I need to ‘get there.’ But really, just because everything is spinning around me doesn’t mean I need to chase anything. Sure there is a time to get things done, but more importantly, there must be a time to sit, be still and consider everything that is.
I don’t think it’s so important that I get all the answers to these things but more so that I have created a quiet space just to be. I’ve noticed something that changes in my mind when I’m able to be present and dream. It’s a calming quiet sensation that feels remarkably peaceful, despite all the noise and chaos going on in and around me.
I don’t have many answers to the mysteries of life, as the word ‘answer’ tends to imply an inflexible conclusion. What I have is more likely to be thoughts or ideas, and even then, these are constantly being altered and changed.
I used to think there were ‘answers,’ and if you could just find them, you were set. But what I’ve come to realize is if you have an answer, especially a rigid one with no exceptions, you tend to close yourself off to anything that might threaten it, no matter how probable it is. For many people, this isn’t an issue. Many people go their whole lives with this working for them.
But I’m not convinced this is the best route to take. I believe anytime someone chooses one path; they are simultaneously choosing to avoid an alternative one. So the question then becomes, if I chose to always stick with what is familiar and comfortable to me, what am I saying no to?
When you take one path, you are simultaneously saying no to another path. Photo by Tara Scahill on Unsplash
I stuck with what was familiar for many years, not because it was easy or comfortable, but because I truly believed it was the best route. I didn’t see anything beneficial that I was saying no to. But then those answers that I had began to unravel. It was then that I chose to hang on furiously to what I now had doubts about. I refused to even look at the doubts for fear that everything I felt secure in wouldn’t stand up to scrutiny. I would rather be ‘ignorantly wrong’ than uncertain.
This led to years of me furiously trying to plug all the holes in my belief system as it slowly leaked out.
I’ll admit that sometimes I am jealous of those who never need to reexamine their foundational beliefs because living in such a state feels stable and comfortable. But even then, it also has costs. Some of the biggest ones are probably narrow-mindedness and unapproachability. My husband was recently told by someone that she wouldn’t even talk with ‘religious’ people because she found conversations with them nearly impossible. The religious people they’d encountered didn’t want to discuss anything. They wanted to convince her why they were right, and she was not. I have had some decent conversations with religious people, but more often than not, they have talked at me instead of with me. I find it kind of arrogant for people to treat me as if I have nothing worthy to contribute, especially since I believe everyone has a unique life experience with things that I can learn from, even if I disagree with them.
It’s common sense that when we construct something, it’s important we use the right materials. No one tries to make clothes out of concrete or light bulbs out of wood. We know that materials have different properties, and these properties can be seen as beneficial or detrimental, depending on their purpose.
We need to consider what materials will be the most beneficial for the end product. Our belief system is no different. Photo by Mark Potterton on Unsplash
I once saw a real-life reenactment of a piano falling on some buildings. They tried it on several buildings made of different materials. I expected the piano to break the roof on all of them, but there was one that actually gave way a bit and then sprung the piano off, having it shatter on the ground. What made this material stronger than the others was its ability to flex. It was made of wood. This unique property enabled the roof to stay intact despite the great weight that was dropped on it. Essentially, the wood’s ability to flex is what made it stronger than the other materials, at least in this instance.
In my quiet time today, I was thinking about how philosophies need to maintain flexibility. Sooner or later, things will happen that will weigh on them. Some people frantically pour their energies into building more support beams to keep it all standing, as I once did when I refused to face the inconsistencies in my belief system. But the tighter I squeezed, the more the sand falls through my fingers. Some people don’t even try to create a reliable building; they figure everything is relative, so why bother trying. Like many things in life, I think you need to establish a balance between these approaches — a flexible mind.
Holding something loosely can have more strength than a rigid and inflexible grasp. Photo by Gabriel Jimenez on Unsplash
I’ve learnt that when someone can hold onto thoughts and beliefs loosely, they have the ability to maintain some form of foundation while also being able to handle that which life throws at them without caving beneath the weight of it. After all, in life, pianos fall from the sky all the time. It’s better to become flexible than to break under the weight.